Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you still have your period?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
