well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
