I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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