Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
