I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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