I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
