I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
