spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize