just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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