I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
