I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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