A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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