Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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