we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
