my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
