Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
