we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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