Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
