I will die if light touches me.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
