Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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