Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Your mouth is God's brothel.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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