onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
