Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
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He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
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Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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