the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
and she was petting her beer can
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
