Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
