I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She said her name was "party"
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize