Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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