I wannas sexs uuuuu
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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