It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There r osticjed everywhere
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
