He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
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Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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