But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
