Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
