There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Do you still have your period?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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