And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just gift wrapped bread.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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