A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
