I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
