Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
