but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
