Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Damn victory sex feels great
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
