apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
