I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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