Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
