i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
