I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
