Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
