I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i now understand why vodka
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
