Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
