i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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