we're blogging at a bar
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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