her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
