Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Ladies don't puke and tell
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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