I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
