I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
