No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
