Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Boobs speak an international language.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
