my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
