Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
