i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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