dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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