She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
