I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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