i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
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