I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
