the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
