So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
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At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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