I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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