that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
meet me or not, i'm out of control
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
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I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
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Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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