I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
420 ftw
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
