he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Two words: nipple clamps
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