I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
