The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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