Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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