Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
