and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
