final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
