Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Boobs speak an international language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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